And so it begins.

I counted it up and i have 150 pages of intense reading for friday, 3 case briefs, and two quizzes to study for. I can't complain though, i'm sure i'm going to LOVE all my classes.

Family, i miss you. Thanks for everything while i was home.

Alright, well, now i'm going to hit the ground running, hit the books, hit up the DC, hit the road, and then hit the sack.

Haha. Hit. What a funny metaphor.

If i ever write a dissertation...(doubtful)

...I will discuss paradox and oxymoron as the essence of the christian faith.

{To find your life, lose it}

{Purity means God ravishing us with His love, forcing His love upon us}


{Freedom is being captured by God's love}
{The humbled are exalted}

{When I am weak, then I am strong}

{Brokenness is essential in becoming whole}
{Good is terrible}

{A mature Christian is like a child}


As one who thinks logic should lead us right to Christ and His gospel, often to the extent that all mystery and wonder is abolished, sometimes i have to reconsider these ideas to keep myself in check. I don't serve a God who operates by our logic systems. This is not to say that analytical thought wouldn't lead to my Savior, but it is to say that there is so much more beauty to be had when we reflect on how our Savior has redeemed the fall, beauty that doesn't seem logically possible. It would seem that things were infinitely better before the fall, however, without their opposites, perhaps there wouldn't be such great opportunities for good, for strength, life, etc. Just one more example of why I didn't create the world.

A busy calm.

That describes my J. Term. Basically, there's nothing I have to do besides attend my basketball, volleyball, and leadership classes. Simp sauce.

That being said, while there is not much I'm required to do, i feel like decreased productivity would be quite a waste of time.

So, among other things, i read. Previously I had said that the jury was still out on whether or not i liked "til we have faces" by C.S. Lewis. The jury came to a unanimous decision. I love it. And the beautiful thing is, I love it because I am letting it work on me. I can't read myself and what i want to think of it into it. I'm letting the art do its work. And its working.

For those unfamiliar with the book, C.S. Lewis retells the Greek myth of Cupid and Psyche. The focus is on Psyche's older sister. The whole book she is trying to figure out the truth concerning the Gods and the reasons behind the various pains she and her sister have felt. (that was a very, very, rough description of the book.) It culminates in this paragraph:

"The complaint was the answer. To have heard myself making it was to be answered. Lightly men talk of saying what they mean. Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, 'Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words.' A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be foreced at last to utter speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you'll not talk about joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"

I have two things to say about this. First, an embarrassing statement. This passage is near the end of the book, and at the point of which i speak, I had not yet highlighted a single thing--which meant that nothing was going to be written in my quote book. So, when i got to this passage, i was so very excited by what the Fox had said...i highlighted it. then, BOOM. "A glib saying." It hit me really quickly that i had been reading the book for glib sayings. Reading it to have a neat little paragraph to write down as the whole of how the book affected me. Perhaps the book was intentionally filled with mere story because any addition of these kinds of sayings would have drawn away from the purpose of the book. Sometimes packaged quotes just aren't enough. The point is that Orual (the main character, and narrator), works for her whole life to utter one simple, coherent complaint to the gods. We can't live our lives uttering these phrases, they are meaningless without the experience. They can't be really understood by merely hearing them. There is an indescribable understanding that must come through more than just the spoken word. The impact is in the implications.

Secondly, I'm still mulling over the idea of "till we have faces" as a phrase. I could think about it for hours. Especially considering the fact that Orual's face is veiled for a majority of the book. I'm reading it again. starting today. I love this; I've never felt a real need to read a piece of art more than once, save "A severe mercy" by sheldon vanauken.

Also, i finished Through Painted Deserts and picked up the last of Donald Miller's 3 books "Searching for God knows What". I'll read that too, i figure authors all have something to say, and thus far its taken him 3 books to say that, so it would be wrong to leave out one of them if i'm really trying to understand where he is coming from.
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Enough about books.

Alex came to visit me and we had a marvelous time, as always. The girls on my wing loved her, and want her to come to Taylor. Don't i wish.^^^representing each other's schools. love it.

Anyway, life is grand. I live in the Student Activities Center (ksac). My intramural volleyball team is undefeated. I'm going for a threepeat in intramural championships for this year. That would be prime.

Anyway, love to all. And dearest gracie, please get well soon. I love you and I'm praying for you!

Crossin them off the list.

Through Painted Deserts by:Donald Miller.

Done. Boom.
I was feelin the poetry tonight..so Eliot was my companion.

if you aren't my mom, you don't need to read below this line.
_________________________________________
Dear Mom,
Please send me my box. We girls want to play "whats a dame to do"...thus....we need the box.

i love you,
your daughter.

wow.

i just realized how fitting the previous post was as a first post of the new year.

i resolve not to kill time. Its crazy that it was 8 YEARS AGO that we had the whole Y2K scare. I feel like it was yesterday..perhaps because i have killed quite a bit of time in between then and now.

Time Killers

Talked with someone today. The phrase "killing time" came up. Interesting metaphor.

Violent.
Results in death.
Rather sad implications.

I can't think of any situation in which killing is good...ok maybe "killing an addiction"..but no one really says that.

Why kill time? What did time do to you?



i just re-read this post and realized that it sounds like i would condone time killing if time were guilty of some kind of cruelty. However, i do not and will not promote the killing of time whether time provoked this hatred or not. Even if time has been quite unfortunately cruel to you, even if time is the instigator of the trials in your relationship, don't kill time. Its still a rather heartless thing to do. Live and let live.

An impossible task.

Alright, I'll be the first to admit that our government has made quite a few mistakes in its long history. But, last night I watched Blood Diamond and it got me thinking, quite idealistically, of course: Does our government have an impossible task?

As it stands right now the government has 2 groups of people to please: those within its borders, and those on the outside. Those within cry for peace or justice or a mixture of both for those on the outside while at the same time crying for all the things that make us comfortable(lower gas prices, diamonds, clothes, hair straighteners, shoes, plasma screen tvs). Those on the outside either hate us for what we have and what we do, or they love us for what we have and what we do; they either want to wipe us out and redo the structure of this country and its government, or they want to meticulously copy and conform to everything we do. These two groups separate, probably, in that one group sees us crying out for justice and the other chooses to focus on our consumeristic nature superseding any efforts towards justice. This may all seem rather obvious, but there's other things that are very obvious to the world and our government that haven't really penetrated our heads that are focused on getting to the next level of Halo 3, getting the newest MAC lipshade, or on updating our facebook status.

For instance, Saudi Arabia. I would hate the United States if i was a resident of that country. Saudi Arabia is the richest country in the ENTIRE WORLD. So, suprisingly, it has an insane number of refugees and homeless. How is this possible in a country with as many resources as S.A. could have such depth of poverty in their country? How? I'll tell you. The corrupt regime that runs the country uses all of the money on (besides lavish living for the royal family) funding for Wahabist groups. What is wahabism you ask? and why haven't your heard of it? Well, probably because: a. you weren't researching this (because neither was i. this information was given to me...luckily) b. you heard it and it was too uncomfortable. But, what is it? The most extreme sect of Islam.

"Some Wahhabist books and pamphlets teach that Muslims should reject absolutely any non-Muslim ideas and practices, including political ones. A study by the NGO Freedom House found wahhabi publications in a number of mosques in the United States preaching that Muslims should not only "always oppose" infidels "in every way," but "hate them for their religion ... for Allah's sake," that democracy "is responsible for all the horrible wars of the 20th century," that Shia and other non-Wahhabi Muslims were infidels, etc."
[thanks wikipedia.]

While there are these mosques in the U.S., they are even more prevalent in and throughout Europe and Asia. The expansion and spreading of their teaching is primarily funded by the revenue received from the oil exports of Saudi Arabia. Who requires the most oil? We do. Interesting. So? What do these refugees think of us when we preach our message of freedom and democracy? They think we are selfish, hypocritical. And its true. "A man cannot serve two masters." A country cannot serve two masters. Either we work towards an end that would see the saving of many lives, or we focus on our lives, and how we can become more comfortable..if that is possible.

It's a choice. The government cannot please our consumeristic, selfish citizens, while at the same time living up to its duty as a world power. I'm not naive enough to think that anyone will be willing to give up their comfort for the lives of others who reside permanent discomfort. I'm not naive enough to think that anyone will be willing to to turn off "The Real Housewives of Orange County" to think about the real problems that face our world. I'm not naive enough to think that people will turn off all the noise that they consciously surround themselves with to listen to the cries of help that are being suppressed by evil regimes throughout a large part of our world. I'm not naive enough to think that people will give up the luxuries that go along with freedom to help release the escalating number of slaves that are are in bondage throughout this world. I'm not naive enough to think that people will stop worrying about whether or not their water is filtered, or whether they should get the FIJI water bottles or the Aquafina, without worrying about the people of Fiji, many of whom have water that is unfit to drink. Maybe I am naive enough to wish it.

One of the biggest trials facing our government will be convincing the residents of the United States that many of the world's problems are due in part to our rejection of simple living. Even if they decide to be bold enough to tell the American public, they will surely not be heard. And even if we did listen, we wouldn't believe it, because nothing is ever OUR fault. No, only our government can be blamed. The citizen is always right, ironically, like the customer. Perhaps we've developed that little trait due to our time in the shopping malls. But, that's only our response if the accusations are heard. But, they won't be. No, we'll be too busy drowning out the noise with our ipods, our HD 1080 TVs, our guitar hero and Rock Band games.

And life will go on.

For us.




For a while.

Exposition Vs. Entertainment.

Last night i went to a college group called "Crave" at Saddleback Church. This church is MASSIVE. This is also the church who is led by Rick Warren, author of "the Purpose Driven Life", which i have not read. Aside from the quick judgements i have a tendency to make about mega churches and self helpish books, it is important to remember that the Word is proclaimed here at Saddleback. They are also very globally aware with a large HIV/AIDS initiative program (with which a graduate of taylor is big part) and many missions teams going out throughout the year. With that being said, here is my problem:

When my friend and I arrived, worship had already begun. And by worship i mean, rock concert. Light show, bass way to loud, everything way to loud. It was entertaining, thus it was distracting. However, what i was being distracted from was a bunch of worship songs in which the focus was on feeling. How God's love makes me feel. What about the deeper, more meaningful, less emotive implications of His love? These heavily emotive and contemporary songs definitely have their place, but when they take the place of those songs (primarily, but not limited to, hymns) which are so deep and rich in theology, then we know there is a problem. The choice of feely songs, coupled with the rock concert feel that was being promoted, perturbed me more than a bit. I'm not one to promote the traditional-like services, but i could have used a little organ or something. I felt like i was being bombarded with an ultra sensory experience, like they were trying to create a feeling within me. It bothers me when Christians decide that entertaining a person is the only way to move them. If we really believe what we believe, shouldn't the implications of what we believe be quite moving in and of itself. Enough to move mountains some might say.

As I sat thinking, and talking about this with some people afterwards, the words of my dear teacher from my high school expository writing class came to mind. Over a few classes we discussed what came to be called "the age of exposition" and "the age of show business". As may be clear to you, we currently live in the latter. Whereas in days past, the days of Abe Lincoln and the like, people would speak in a highly complex and expository manner that required much attention to retrieve the depth of the words, nowadays, those who speak in front of people tell jokes, recite anecdotes, tell moving stories, speak in short, often trite, sentences so as to not lose the focus of those who may be listening, to entertain, and to push people towards a feeling of joy, pain, empathy, or panic, whichever emotion best suits his or her purpose as a speaker. This is the age of show business. Entertain them, draw them in and create an emotion because if we can make them feel like they are in need of something or make them feel excited, then we have done our job. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Granted, often it is necessary to speak things in simple terms, so as not to lose people along the way, but we can't water things down and present a gospel that is based on the feeling that you get when you step into church. Its wrong and its a lie. And its sad.

The saddest part is that when this feeling disappears, what is this new believer left with? If you are drawn in based on a feeling, life without that feeling will seem wrong--after all, you were reeled in under the impression that Christianity creates that feeling. Christianity will turn out to be yet another spiritual disappointment. That is the tragedy of it all. Its not that it is bad to be entertained, but when entertainment giving way to emotion is substituted for exposition giving way to understanding (and then, most likely, emotion), a person is left with a poor substitute and is cheated out of something much more real.

I do, also, understand what a difficult job youth and college pastors have. How to be "relevant" and also retain some sort of "church-like" aspects. This is why i think that meetings like "Crave" are just a testament to the difficulty of finding a balance, and an example of a church that chose to be more "relevant" than traditional. Ok. thats fine. I just hope that this isn't where these students go for church. I hope that this sort of thing is considered more of a social gathering than a church service. That is my hope, but unfortunately i think i hope in vain.

I end with my favorite verse of one of my favorite hymns:
"Be thou my wisdom and Thou my true Word. I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord. Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, sill be my vision, oh Ruler of all."

Reminder...

Don't start books unless you can finish them, you do yourself, and the author, a great disservice.

>The Four Loves by: C.S. Lewis(25% done)
>The Wasteland by: T.S. Eliot (30% done)
>Freakonomics by: Stephen D. Levitt (50% done)
>The Tipping Point by: Malcolm Gladwell (20% done)
>Til We Have Faces by: C.S. Lewis (25% done)
>David Copperfield by: Charles Dickens (pg. 89 of circa 800)
>Through Painted Deserts by: Donald Miller(just bought it. read 10 pgs tonight)
>God's Passion for His Glory by: John Piper(still trying to find a place to buy it.)

seriously. I'm task oriented. I hate things being unfinished...so why on earth am i not over halfway done with any of these books? Its a mystery for the ages.

the fact that i cannot stay focused in no way says anything negative about any of these books, or these authors. In fact, I've thoroughly enjoyed all of them--well actually, the jury is still out on Til we have faces...but I''m also only a quarter of the way through it, perhaps i should give it another 100 pages.

I hope all of you follow through on things you begin. Its a trait i am going to try to acquire pretty soon here.

Alex, Severe Mercy, Personality Tests, and things of that Nature.

I love it when i don't talk to a friend for a while and then get back together with them and its just like old times+a few more months of wisdom. Its encouraging to have time apart so that the ways they have grown are more easily seen or more visible because you aren't interacting with them daily. What a joy.

Today Alex and I discussed our favorite book, a Severe Mercy, and the level of awareness of one's life that a person must have to write such a book. Primarily the gift of looking back and seeing the ways God was involved in certain situations and the ways that particular instances were directed without you even knowing it. We also talked about the discomfort that sanctification involves. INTERESTING parallels were drawn between personalities and the process of becoming more like Christ. She mentioned the difference between a personality test she took when she was a freshman in high school and the one she took recently. She said that it had evened out a lot and she had become more of an introvert. All of you who know Alex know that she has not, in the past, been introverted, by any stretch of the imagination. But, she sees the ways the God is teaching her to listen and in the way she is becoming more Christ-like. Its interesting because I've been watching this process and the personality test was just a small indication that she's changing. I once was told that Jesus was ALL the personality types perfectly, and that's why his ministry was so effective(besides the fact that it was life changing), because he was able to communicate fully to everyone in the ways they needed to be spoken to. So, as we become more like him we begin to even out a bit, less extreme perhaps? Its also interesting to note that some of the most Christ-like and amazing people in my life happen to also show no extremes on those kinds of personality tests, they are pretty even. This doesn't mean, at all, that they don't have personality or flair or idiosyncrasies that make them very different from other people,but maybe they've just progressed to a place where, through added wisdom, they've learned to interact in a way that makes them more likely to understand, relate, and appreciate acting in different ways that are appropriate for each circumstance. anyway. just something I've been thinking about and discussing with my sweet friend.

sidenote: I've always hated personality tests because i thought they put people in boxes--however--looking at them from this perspective, they seem to set people free from the boxes that they've been put in their whole lives.

love it. lovin' St. Louis.