It's Complicated.

No, this is not a post intended to review Meryl Streep's new blockbuster hit (joke).
Its not too complicated, even based on the commercials, to know that that one isn't really worth my time.

But, there are some things that are really complicated. Such as:

1. When you are walking outside in the freezing cold, and have forgotten your gloves, where do you put your hands? You could leave them in the cold, or you could put them in your pocket. It may seem like an easy choice, but consider, also, the ice on the ground. If you fall you need your hands--and they are not easily accessible when they are hidden in your pockets.

2. (And the real reason for this post, inspired by today's post-spanish class events) Who you are, versus who other people think you are. It, at first glance, doesn't seem like a complicated problem. I, after all, am the only one with access to my mind, and thus, a full analysis of it. How much of who I am is what resides in my mind, though? It can't be all of it. Though I may be the only with access to the inside of me, I am also the only one without access to visual or aural perception of myself from without. While motivations and desires (which exist somewhere outside the physical) are key in comprising who we are, it must also be said that many of these thoughts/beliefs/motivations, are not really that real unless incarnated. Once they become incarnate, we are no longer their only perceiver, others can perceive and interact with them. While others might be able to perceive these actions/manifestations/incarnations, this is not directly correlated to a correct appraisal of motivations/thoughts/desires that gave birth to said actions/manifestations/incarnations. [Such causes become more clear, however, in people whose actions seem to follow a discernible pattern, coherently interacting with other motivations, causing correlated action, in different areas of their life. So, it seems that we are the only ones that can understand, with certainty why it is that we do things--or can we? To some extent, probably, and yes, probably better than those around us, however, this may take a higher view of human mental life than I would like to assume. Often (and i think this is biblical) if we aren't aware of the warring passions in our minds, and even if we are, it can become overwhelmingly confusing to discern specific motivations and correlate them to specific actions. It takes work, like most complicated things.

So.

Today we tried to work to a better understanding of ourselves. And by "we" I refer to Mark, Jordan, and Steve. We went through the Strengths Finder 2.0 book (using it more for our own purposes than testing purposes), looking through the list of 30-some adjectives or "strengths" in order to help further identify the gaps in our own lives between perceived motivation from within and perceived motivation from without. There were some discrepancies, not many, but instead of discouraging me by showing how much people, even people around me, don't understand me, it served to be a cool time of encouragement--like a "hey annie, you might not think that this is you, and even if it is not natural to you, you do this, which means this, and it is helpful in this way," or a "hey, annie, you may lack any (or "annie" if that joke is thrown out) empathy, but you are working on it, and we appreciate you for the strengths you do have, and we aren't gonna throw you out because you suck at identifying with peoples hurts."

That is cool. I'm pretty sure that it's part of being the body of Christ--reflecting back to one another the characteristics we have been gifted with, helping one another see where each excels, and where each falls short(of the glory of God), and loving each in either case. This also might be a part of loving God with our mind--the pursuit of understanding Him, through understanding who He created us to be.

Its complicated, but good.

The Enneagram.

Here's the deal, until about a year ago, I LOATHED personality tests. Perhaps it was the fact that i had this unquenchable desire to be an "individual" and thus could not even begin to desire to allow a test to put me in a box and make me like 1/4 of the rest of the earth's population. This is how i felt until i found this--the ENNEAGRAM. Now, my story with this personality indicator is made 30x cooler by the fact that i was told my personality via the electrical currents in my body, however, this is irrelevant.

What i like about this system is that it really isn't confining. It gives some motivations and drives, its more about the "why" of a person than the "what". And as a person who values the why more than the what in general, i like this test.

There are nine possibilities in this model, and they are consist of the numbers 1-9. Each number has a few "archetypal" adjectives that describe the activity of the person. Here are the 9 types.

Brief descriptions of the nine Enneatypes are as follows:

[Ones: Reformers, Judges, Perfectionists]

Ones are focused on personal integrity and can be wise, discerning and inspiring in their quest for the truth. They also tend to dissociate themselves from their flaws or what they believe are flaws (such as negative emotions) and can become hypocritical and hyper-critical of others, seeking the illusion of virtue to hide their own vices. The greatest fear of Ones is to be flawed and their ultimate goal is perfection.

Ego fixation: resentment
Holy idea: perfection
Passion: anger
Virtue: serenity
Stress point: Four
Security point: Seven

[Twos: Helpers, Givers, Caretakers]

Twos, at their best, are compassionate, attentive, generous and caring but they can also be particularly prone to clinginess, neediness and manipulation. Twos want, above all, to be loved and needed and fear being unworthy of love.

Ego fixation: flattery
Holy idea: freedom
Passion: pride
Virtue: humility
Stress point: Eight
Security point: Four

[Threes: Achievers, Performers, Status Seekers]

Threes tend to be especially adaptable and changeable. Some walk the world with confidence and authenticity; others wear a series of public masks, acting in ways they think will bring them approval but losing track of their true self. Threes are motivated by the need to succeed and also to be seen as successful.

Ego fixation: vanity
Holy idea: hope
Passion: deceit
Virtue: truthfulness
Stress point: Nine
Security point: Six

[Fours: Romantics, Individualists, Aesthetes]

Fours are driven by the desire to understand themselves and find a place in the world. They often fear that they have no identity or personal significance. Fours embrace individualism and are often profoundly creative and intuitive and at best they are very humane. However, they have a habit of withdrawing to internalize, searching desperately inside themselves for something they never find and creating a spiral of depression.

Ego fixation: melancholy
Holy idea: originality
Passion: envy
Virtue: equanimity
Stress point: Two
Security point: One

[Fives: Experts, Thinkers, Investigators]

Fives are motivated by the desire to understand the facts about the world around them. Believing they are only worth what they contribute, Fives have learned to withdraw, to watch with keen eyes and speak only when they can shake the world with their observations. Sometimes they do just that. However, some Fives are known to withdraw from the world, becoming reclusive hermits and fending off social contact with abrasive cynicism. Fives fear incompetency or uselessness and want to be capable and knowledgeable above all else.

Ego fixation: stinginess
Holy idea: omniscience
Passion: avarice
Virtue: detachment
Stress point: Seven
Security point: Eight

[Sixes: Loyalists, Heroes / Rebels, Defenders]

Sixes long for safe stability above all else. They exhibit unwavering loyalty and responsibility, but once betrayed, they are slow to trust again. They are particularly prone to fearful thinking and emotional anxiety as well as reactionary and paranoid behavior. Sixes tend to react to their fears either in a phobic manner by avoiding fearful situations or by confronting them in a counterphobic manner.

Ego fixation: cowardice
Holy idea: faith
Passion: fear
Virtue: courage
Stress point: Three
Security point: Nine

[Sevens: Enthusiasts, Adventurers, Sensationalists]

Sevens are adventurous, constantly busy with many activities with all the energy and enthusiasm of the Puer Aeternus. At their best they embrace life for its varied joys and wonders and truly live in the moment but, at their worst, they dash frantically from one new experience to another, too scared of disappointment to actually enjoy themselves. Sevens fear being unable to provide for themselves or to experience life in all of its richness.

Ego fixation: planning
Holy idea: work
Passion: gluttony
Virtue: sobriety
Stress point: One
Security point: Five

[Eights: Bosses, Mavericks, Challengers]

Eights value their own strength and desire to be powerful and in control. They concern themselves with self-preservation. They are natural leaders who can be either friendly and charitable or dictatorially manipulative, ruthless and willing to destroy anything in their way. Eights seek control over their own lives and destinies and fear being harmed or controlled by others.

Ego fixation: vengeance
Holy idea: truth
Passion: excess (lust)
Virtue: innocence
Stress point: Five
Security point: Two

[Nines: Mediators, Peacemakers, Preservationists]

Nines are ruled by their empathy. At their best they are receptive, gentle, calming and at peace with the world. They also, however, tend to dissociate from conflicts and to indifferently go along with other people's wishes. They may also simply withdraw and try to shut down emotionally and mentally. They fear the conflict caused by their ability to simultaneously understand opposing points of view and seek peace of mind above all else. Nines are especially prone to dissociation and passive-aggressive behaviour.

Ego fixation: indolence
Holy idea: love
Passion: laziness (sloth)
Virtue: action
Stress point: Six
Security point: Three



Another interesting thing to note is that there are not usually any repeats within a family...unless, i suppose, you have more than 9 people in your immediate family. But in that case, some people's personalities are probably getting suppressed anyway. :) I love trying to guess which enneatype fits people in my life.

I am a 4. You should take a test and find out what you are, or just read through them and decided. You are probably going to be a better judge than any test, after all, you've lived with yourself for a while.

Alex, Severe Mercy, Personality Tests, and things of that Nature.

I love it when i don't talk to a friend for a while and then get back together with them and its just like old times+a few more months of wisdom. Its encouraging to have time apart so that the ways they have grown are more easily seen or more visible because you aren't interacting with them daily. What a joy.

Today Alex and I discussed our favorite book, a Severe Mercy, and the level of awareness of one's life that a person must have to write such a book. Primarily the gift of looking back and seeing the ways God was involved in certain situations and the ways that particular instances were directed without you even knowing it. We also talked about the discomfort that sanctification involves. INTERESTING parallels were drawn between personalities and the process of becoming more like Christ. She mentioned the difference between a personality test she took when she was a freshman in high school and the one she took recently. She said that it had evened out a lot and she had become more of an introvert. All of you who know Alex know that she has not, in the past, been introverted, by any stretch of the imagination. But, she sees the ways the God is teaching her to listen and in the way she is becoming more Christ-like. Its interesting because I've been watching this process and the personality test was just a small indication that she's changing. I once was told that Jesus was ALL the personality types perfectly, and that's why his ministry was so effective(besides the fact that it was life changing), because he was able to communicate fully to everyone in the ways they needed to be spoken to. So, as we become more like him we begin to even out a bit, less extreme perhaps? Its also interesting to note that some of the most Christ-like and amazing people in my life happen to also show no extremes on those kinds of personality tests, they are pretty even. This doesn't mean, at all, that they don't have personality or flair or idiosyncrasies that make them very different from other people,but maybe they've just progressed to a place where, through added wisdom, they've learned to interact in a way that makes them more likely to understand, relate, and appreciate acting in different ways that are appropriate for each circumstance. anyway. just something I've been thinking about and discussing with my sweet friend.

sidenote: I've always hated personality tests because i thought they put people in boxes--however--looking at them from this perspective, they seem to set people free from the boxes that they've been put in their whole lives.

love it. lovin' St. Louis.