Conversations on Race

Recently, I was a part of a group project for the culmination of this semester's Conversations on Race class. This video was that project. It was powerful and, I think, VERY important to hear these perspectives. There is A LOT more video, but this project could only be ten minutes, and therefore, its 10:31. :)

Thank you to all of you who participated. I appreciated your kind spirits and willingness to be interviewed, and I would love to continue this conversation. Unfortunately, I lost 1.5 interviews throughout this process (Rhona Murungi and half of Rukshan Fernando's interview), but luckily, they are things that can be said again.

I hope to make another video using these interviews, but to include more talk time, and pull out a few more key themes.


P.S. {I love} T.S.

Yeah, its true. Don't you just wish he was around right now? I do.

As I sit here, unable to go to sleep (though my body has desired sleep ALL day), a stanza from T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" keeps going through my mind:

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
(They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!")
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin--
(They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which in a minute will reverse

The character that Eliot paints here is almost one who has OCD. You just want to laugh. You just want to scream. You just want to say, "MAKE A DECISION." Stop being so careful. Stop being so worrisome. Stop "measuring out your life with coffee spoons."

And it is here, essentially, I have such a hard time in the Christian community, either because I am guilty myself, or because I am often painfully aware of this indecision. This inability to act.

We spend so much time deciding if it is "God's Will" that instead of really desiring to please Him, we desire not to offend Him. Well, we already offend Him, most days, in fact, so it should come as no surprise that we will likely do it again. And, I think, it is equally as offensive to Him (i suppose I cannot be sure of this equality) for us to sit around waiting for Him to drop anvils on our heads to tell us what to do, where to go, who to marry, what to eat, what church to go to, and so on.

Its as if we believe that serving would be WRONG, if we were not "called" to that church, or that person, or at that time. There is no doubt in my mind that God moves, that God speaks, that God directs. I think though, that Christians often waste time waiting for miraculous signs. As if His Word isn't miraculous enough. He told us what is good, what is true, what is beautiful.

Can we not have faith enough to know that those are still applicable, and if the Lord wants our time, energy, and lives to go elsewhere, He will surely show us that.

This reminds me of something I REALLY appreciated coming from the mouth of Shane Claiborne during social justice week. This will surely not be a direct quote, but, when referencing people who are waiting for God to "do something," he responded as God who was pleading in His reply, saying, "I did do something, I made you."

how true.

I am also reminded of something Dorothy Sayers said in Mind of the Maker, i think. I forget where, and this is possibly a mistaken citation. But I remember that when referencing Miracles, she was of the moving opinion that God doesn't need to use miracles. He doesn't need to "supernaturally intervene." Everything around us is supernatural. We are supernatural beings (as well as natural beings, i suppose), and His Word is supernatural. Even if He never spoke into people's lives audibly today, we could still know how to live as followers of His Son. What a blessing that He does.

But, I believe the Christian church errs in demanding this of God. And, often, I find it comical when He speaks something to reiterate something He has said over and over before. Perhaps miracles are a sign that we seldom believe by faith in what he has already said. Again, not to say we don't need that many times. We must not assume that we will always understand correctly. But we MUST assume that when we don't, the Spirit of the Lord in us will convict us of this.

We can't be perfect. So, a fear of imperfection is a ridiculous one. Thus instead of striving NOT to be imperfect, let us strive to be perfect. Doing good, and knowing that when we fail, God will lovingly, and granted often painfully, redirect us.

I grow old...I grow old...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.


the annes

i promise this is not becoming a vlog.


Ode to Steph Snyder

(as written in winter of '08)
I want bangs. bad.

like, the kind that people look at and reconsider the front of their hair and forehead, and turn to their best friend and say, "hey do you think I should get bangs like so-and-so?

that kind.

or, the kind that make you look like you have some strange sort of confidence. the kind of confidence that says "yeah, I read poetry and comic books, and I'm not afraid to show it...with my bangs."

that kind.

or, the kind that after people see your bangs, they go back to the table they had previously been occupying, only to write down their feelings about the sweet bangs they just witnessed.

that kind.



a backrub.
a blended naked juice from starbucks.
a day alone.
a long walk.
my gold flip flops to be fixed.
more time with the anne warners, carly rowlands, sam hobbses, rachel beehs, diana duncans, and kristin goekes of the world.
new musica.
my ex-ability to edit video.
drive to stop biting my nails.
a leisurely book read.
fall semester.
my forthcoming apartment off campus.
ball jars as drinking cups.
a topic to blog about.


When you can't really get close to your family...

[and when you can't sleep]
Find close ups of your family.

I can't wait to see these people really close up, though.

Family narcissism.
it undoubtedly exists.

My mind. Unveiled.

(at the end of the day)
The world needs some good aestheticians...
this is not my calling...

or perhaps it is a calling for all of us...
or should be, at least.
to know what it means to create, as creations of the creator, whose creativity we reflect.

imago dei?
that was mentioned in my contemporary issues class today.

ooh ooh. This just make me think of something that God cannot be that we can--

a creator and a creation, simulataneously...or can He? If He is eternally begotten of Himself?

I mean, I guess Jesus was a carpenter. Thats creating.
He was also created, er, begotten...eternally.

created. begotten. not the same. Comparable? probably.

I like thinking of things God cannot be. (the list is shorter than things that He actually is)
It makes people unconfortable to know that God cannot contradict himself.
i wonder why?

A product of the western mind? God is entirely outside logic?
eh i don't think so. i mean, He created it.

Hah. Senior year in Graham's worldview class..hot topic--
Can God make a squircle?

A what?
You know, a square circle.


"YES! He can, He's God, He can do anything"
Not that which is logically impossible, since He gave the world Its order, and IS its order,
He can't not be Himself.

What a silly thing to conceive of.

But He does take unexpected, albeit not illogical, forms, i.e. a man, who creates.

Oh. back to square one. Creating.

My mind likes these circles. Not squircles.
Or maybe my mind does like squircles--things that are impossible to think about.

Eternity, for instance.
But thats not logically impossible, just Annie's mind impossible.

Thats why we create sometimes, i think, to suspend reality and enter into things that are logically possible, yet not quite possible to concieve of linearly.

Conceiving of eternity linearly. Thats a funny, impossible, thought.
Concieving of eternity at all? minimally possible, by analogy, abstraction. I think.

What if all of creation is eternally being created in the mind of God and then experienced by us? heresy?
Possibly. Maybe not. Maybe we can't know, logically.
Fun to think about.

Its not fun to think about getting up tomorrow though, in five hours.

What an odd trip into my mind. Sometimes i think I'm crazy.

maybe i am.
that's fun.