So, senior year of highschool I was required to write in the style of NPR's "this I believe" essays. I recently remembered the assigment, and how cool it was to hear what people felt passionate about. I was telling my friend tonight that I wish I could make all of my current friends write one, just so that I could further understand their biggest convictions, as they are so integral to who we are as people. My essay really does say a lot about how I've tried to live my life, and after reading some of my friend's essays from high school, I realized that most of us did, with the exception of a few, write about something that deeply affected/affects our lives. So, without any editing, here it is:
I believe in something—that’s right, something. I know most of you are thinking that this is a cop-out, a lame excuse to forgo identifying my core beliefs. Well, you are wrong. I love to meet people who believe in something. And by “believe”, I do not mean that they claim to have conviction. I am talking about those people whose lives are living proof of their claims. If you tell me you believe in abolishing poverty in third world countries, you gosh darned better be working towards that goal with more fervor than you have while power walking the mall to look for the newest superfluous things you simply, must have. By believe, I mean do. If you believe in relieving the poor of that burden, then do it—not all of it mind you, but as much as you can. I personally don’t believe in it. I want to, but it seems that I don’t. I wish I did, but I couldn’t possibly; that would mean giving of myself, something that I’m not yet prepared to believe in. So, let us all live out our beliefs. I believe that my convictions are objective truth—if you really believe something, then you ought to feel the same way concerning your beliefs—but I would rather meet one-hundred people who are diametrically opposed to my convictions and have legitimate reasons why than meet one person who concurs with what I say but has no idea why. However, in extreme cases, such as Osama Bin Laden and Hitler, I would probably retract this statement on the grounds that I am no longer speaking with a sane person. Please, not only live out your beliefs but know the beliefs for which you live.In my short seventeen years, I have discovered, quite painfully at some points, that even a misguided belief with a good argument behind it often trumps the so called “impenetrable” case of a person who cannot make that case. Let’s all be fair and give each other respect by not wasting another person’s time arguing a position that we know little to nothing about.Knowing what I believe is only the beginning. Often, in searching out the root of my beliefs, I realize that what I say I believe is not necessarily what I do believe. I say I believe in the power of prayer, but do I? If I truly realized the immensity of that truth claim, then I would probably find myself on my knees a lot more often—in a manifestation of my belief. Action follows belief. In my case, I know the right thing to believe, and yet the action is lacking, and it is obvious that the belief has not yet taken hold of me. If I cannot life it, then I do not believe it.Living for your beliefs is being honest; it’s not pretending that you have convictions without understanding their implications. Saying that I believe in the power of prayer also implies that I have witnessed its immense power because of the way I daily see the blessing involved in a life spend saturated in fervent prayer. But I haven’t. I have seen the results in others’ lives. I have smattered my life with prayer yet have never fully realized the potential of this belief if it were to be lived out as it was meant to be. This honest approach has given me a better starting point, a humble one, from which to approach a person unhypocritically in conversations that may end up altering either party’s beliefs. When two people come to the table with their own, well defined positions, it makes for an intellectual battle that is much more efficient and rewarding than the conversation that occurs between two people who really have no serious convictions but merely wish to have this type of conversation because it is the thing to do these days. The former conversation results in an exchange of wisdom, and the latter leaves those involved much more confused than when the conversation began. So if you are planning on entering into one of these conversations any time soon, please believe in something, really believe it. This is something I believe. I believe in something.
to check some more of these out: thisibelieve.org
2.12.2008
2.07.2008
Birthdays.
Dear Mommy,
You called me today, apologizing that my birthday package was not yet here. You said that my sisters thought that I was frustrated about this, and thus was not picking up my phone. I know that we have already discussed this on the phone this evening, but I just want to reiterate, in print, the fact that in no way am I dissappointed or let down by any of this package lackage. In lieu of the fact that I think birthdays are rather silly and childish anyway, I want to let you know on this day of my birth (and yes, its not yet midnight in northern california where I was born) that even if you had no intention of sending me a box full of presents, it'd be ok and perhaps more fitting.
The nature of birthdays really confuses me, honestly. I mean, I didn't do anything. If there is one day I SHOULDN'T be celebrated, it is the day that you, mom, pushed me out of your body. brave woman. :) So today, on my day of birth, I thank the Lord God in Heaven that you are more of a woman than I'll ever be. Thank you, and don't worry about the presents.♥
Love,
Your 19 year old daughter.
You called me today, apologizing that my birthday package was not yet here. You said that my sisters thought that I was frustrated about this, and thus was not picking up my phone. I know that we have already discussed this on the phone this evening, but I just want to reiterate, in print, the fact that in no way am I dissappointed or let down by any of this package lackage. In lieu of the fact that I think birthdays are rather silly and childish anyway, I want to let you know on this day of my birth (and yes, its not yet midnight in northern california where I was born) that even if you had no intention of sending me a box full of presents, it'd be ok and perhaps more fitting.
The nature of birthdays really confuses me, honestly. I mean, I didn't do anything. If there is one day I SHOULDN'T be celebrated, it is the day that you, mom, pushed me out of your body. brave woman. :) So today, on my day of birth, I thank the Lord God in Heaven that you are more of a woman than I'll ever be. Thank you, and don't worry about the presents.♥
Love,
Your 19 year old daughter.
2.06.2008
Donald and Rene. Friends for Life.
It is interesting to me to note the distinct similarities between authors who lived around 400 years apart from each other. As much as we want to believe that thought, and society have progressed in enormous ways in this amount of time, this little example serves as further proof of the fact that people are people are people are people. Our minds aren't evolving. They are still finite. Children these days are in no way capable of something more than those who lived centuries ago. We still ask the same fundamental questions, and go about answering them in relatively similar ways, no matter how much we want to think we have invented something "new" or "special," we haven't. So, sorry kids, we're just playing with the ideas that have been around since, well, the beginning of time. And now, for a little comparative reading. First Descartes (meditations), then Donald Miller (through painted deserts).
"Some years ago I was struck by the large number of falsehoods that I had accepted as true in my childhood, and by the highly doubtful nature of the whole edifice that I had subsequently based on them. I realized that it was necessary, once in the course of my life, to demolish everything completely and start again right from the foundations if I wanted to establish anything at all in the sciences that was stable and likely to last...So today I have expressly rid my mind of all worries and arranged for myself a clear stretch of free time. I am here, quite alone, and at last I will devote myself and without reservation to the general demolition of my opinions."
"Some years ago I was struck by the large number of falsehoods that I had accepted as true in my childhood, and by the highly doubtful nature of the whole edifice that I had subsequently based on them. I realized that it was necessary, once in the course of my life, to demolish everything completely and start again right from the foundations if I wanted to establish anything at all in the sciences that was stable and likely to last...So today I have expressly rid my mind of all worries and arranged for myself a clear stretch of free time. I am here, quite alone, and at last I will devote myself and without reservation to the general demolition of my opinions."
-and-
"I began to wonder what personal ideas I believed that weren't true. I believed I was not athletic enough; too stupid, I believed I had to go to college; I believed the Astros were a more important team than the Mets; I believed jeans that cost fifty dollars were better than jeans that cost thirty; I believed living in a certain part of town made you more important than living in another. I looked up at the cosmos and it had no scientific proof that any of this was true. The cosmos wasn't telling me I was stupid; it wasn't telling me one pair of jeans was better than another. The cosmos was just spinning around up there, as if to create beauty for beauty's sake, paying no attention to the frivolity of mankind. And I liked the cosmos. I liked the cosmos very much. It seemed that it understood something, perhaps, humanity did not understand...I confess I wanted to believe life was bigger, larger than my presuppositions. Out there under the cosmos, out in the desert of Texas, beneath those billion stars and the umbrella of pitch-black eons of nothingness, on top of that hill, I started wondering if life was something different than I thought it was, if there was some kind of raging beauty a person could find, that he could get caught up in the why of life..."
Strikingly similar, strikingly honest, strikingly self-aware.
Suddenly I am overcome by wonder about what presuppositions I hold that are not eternally significant, or full of truth--probably something that is important to wonder at some point during my life.
Too bad I don't have a large stretch of free time in which to ponder these things. Day by day I suppose.
"I began to wonder what personal ideas I believed that weren't true. I believed I was not athletic enough; too stupid, I believed I had to go to college; I believed the Astros were a more important team than the Mets; I believed jeans that cost fifty dollars were better than jeans that cost thirty; I believed living in a certain part of town made you more important than living in another. I looked up at the cosmos and it had no scientific proof that any of this was true. The cosmos wasn't telling me I was stupid; it wasn't telling me one pair of jeans was better than another. The cosmos was just spinning around up there, as if to create beauty for beauty's sake, paying no attention to the frivolity of mankind. And I liked the cosmos. I liked the cosmos very much. It seemed that it understood something, perhaps, humanity did not understand...I confess I wanted to believe life was bigger, larger than my presuppositions. Out there under the cosmos, out in the desert of Texas, beneath those billion stars and the umbrella of pitch-black eons of nothingness, on top of that hill, I started wondering if life was something different than I thought it was, if there was some kind of raging beauty a person could find, that he could get caught up in the why of life..."
Strikingly similar, strikingly honest, strikingly self-aware.
Suddenly I am overcome by wonder about what presuppositions I hold that are not eternally significant, or full of truth--probably something that is important to wonder at some point during my life.
Too bad I don't have a large stretch of free time in which to ponder these things. Day by day I suppose.
2.05.2008
Doubt, Another Paradox.
So check it,
Me and my boy Rene Descartes spent about 12 hours together this weekend and among the many interesting insights I gleaned from him in our long, drawn out hours together, one stuck out. It probably caught my eye because as of late i've been on the lookout for those paradoxes that contribute to our understanding and knowledge of God...so without further adue.
"And when I consider the fact that I have doubts, or that I am a thing that is incomplete and dependent, then there arises in me a clear ad distinct idea of a being who is independent, that is, an idea of God."
Obviously, and much to my extreme joy, this argument was led up to and followed up by numerous pages of reasoning and furter assertions...so if you don't understand how he got to this point, go read it MEDITATIONS by Rene Descartes, you won't be disappointed.
So heres te deal about this excerpt, its SO INTRIGUING to ponder doubt as PROOF of God's existence. I mean, he's aruging that the very fact that we can doubt God is, itself, proof that He exists. Doubt provides assurance. Lovin that paradox.
Chew on that, I am.
And "take that" Post Modernism.
Me and my boy Rene Descartes spent about 12 hours together this weekend and among the many interesting insights I gleaned from him in our long, drawn out hours together, one stuck out. It probably caught my eye because as of late i've been on the lookout for those paradoxes that contribute to our understanding and knowledge of God...so without further adue.
"And when I consider the fact that I have doubts, or that I am a thing that is incomplete and dependent, then there arises in me a clear ad distinct idea of a being who is independent, that is, an idea of God."
Obviously, and much to my extreme joy, this argument was led up to and followed up by numerous pages of reasoning and furter assertions...so if you don't understand how he got to this point, go read it MEDITATIONS by Rene Descartes, you won't be disappointed.
So heres te deal about this excerpt, its SO INTRIGUING to ponder doubt as PROOF of God's existence. I mean, he's aruging that the very fact that we can doubt God is, itself, proof that He exists. Doubt provides assurance. Lovin that paradox.
Chew on that, I am.
And "take that" Post Modernism.
1.31.2008
And so it begins.
I counted it up and i have 150 pages of intense reading for friday, 3 case briefs, and two quizzes to study for. I can't complain though, i'm sure i'm going to LOVE all my classes.
Family, i miss you. Thanks for everything while i was home.
Alright, well, now i'm going to hit the ground running, hit the books, hit up the DC, hit the road, and then hit the sack.
Haha. Hit. What a funny metaphor.
Family, i miss you. Thanks for everything while i was home.
Alright, well, now i'm going to hit the ground running, hit the books, hit up the DC, hit the road, and then hit the sack.
Haha. Hit. What a funny metaphor.
1.19.2008
If i ever write a dissertation...(doubtful)
...I will discuss paradox and oxymoron as the essence of the christian faith.
{To find your life, lose it}
{Purity means God ravishing us with His love, forcing His love upon us}
{Freedom is being captured by God's love}
{The humbled are exalted}
{When I am weak, then I am strong}
{Brokenness is essential in becoming whole}
{Good is terrible}
{A mature Christian is like a child}
As one who thinks logic should lead us right to Christ and His gospel, often to the extent that all mystery and wonder is abolished, sometimes i have to reconsider these ideas to keep myself in check. I don't serve a God who operates by our logic systems. This is not to say that analytical thought wouldn't lead to my Savior, but it is to say that there is so much more beauty to be had when we reflect on how our Savior has redeemed the fall, beauty that doesn't seem logically possible. It would seem that things were infinitely better before the fall, however, without their opposites, perhaps there wouldn't be such great opportunities for good, for strength, life, etc. Just one more example of why I didn't create the world.
{To find your life, lose it}
{Purity means God ravishing us with His love, forcing His love upon us}
{Freedom is being captured by God's love}
{The humbled are exalted}
{When I am weak, then I am strong}
{Brokenness is essential in becoming whole}
{Good is terrible}
{A mature Christian is like a child}
As one who thinks logic should lead us right to Christ and His gospel, often to the extent that all mystery and wonder is abolished, sometimes i have to reconsider these ideas to keep myself in check. I don't serve a God who operates by our logic systems. This is not to say that analytical thought wouldn't lead to my Savior, but it is to say that there is so much more beauty to be had when we reflect on how our Savior has redeemed the fall, beauty that doesn't seem logically possible. It would seem that things were infinitely better before the fall, however, without their opposites, perhaps there wouldn't be such great opportunities for good, for strength, life, etc. Just one more example of why I didn't create the world.
1.15.2008
A busy calm.
That describes my J. Term. Basically, there's nothing I have to do besides attend my basketball, volleyball, and leadership classes. Simp sauce.
That being said, while there is not much I'm required to do, i feel like decreased productivity would be quite a waste of time.
So, among other things, i read. Previously I had said that the jury was still out on whether or not i liked "til we have faces" by C.S. Lewis. The jury came to a unanimous decision. I love it. And the beautiful thing is, I love it because I am letting it work on me. I can't read myself and what i want to think of it into it. I'm letting the art do its work. And its working.
For those unfamiliar with the book, C.S. Lewis retells the Greek myth of Cupid and Psyche. The focus is on Psyche's older sister. The whole book she is trying to figure out the truth concerning the Gods and the reasons behind the various pains she and her sister have felt. (that was a very, very, rough description of the book.) It culminates in this paragraph:
"The complaint was the answer. To have heard myself making it was to be answered. Lightly men talk of saying what they mean. Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, 'Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words.' A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be foreced at last to utter speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you'll not talk about joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"
I have two things to say about this. First, an embarrassing statement. This passage is near the end of the book, and at the point of which i speak, I had not yet highlighted a single thing--which meant that nothing was going to be written in my quote book. So, when i got to this passage, i was so very excited by what the Fox had said...i highlighted it. then, BOOM. "A glib saying." It hit me really quickly that i had been reading the book for glib sayings. Reading it to have a neat little paragraph to write down as the whole of how the book affected me. Perhaps the book was intentionally filled with mere story because any addition of these kinds of sayings would have drawn away from the purpose of the book. Sometimes packaged quotes just aren't enough. The point is that Orual (the main character, and narrator), works for her whole life to utter one simple, coherent complaint to the gods. We can't live our lives uttering these phrases, they are meaningless without the experience. They can't be really understood by merely hearing them. There is an indescribable understanding that must come through more than just the spoken word. The impact is in the implications.
Secondly, I'm still mulling over the idea of "till we have faces" as a phrase. I could think about it for hours. Especially considering the fact that Orual's face is veiled for a majority of the book. I'm reading it again. starting today. I love this; I've never felt a real need to read a piece of art more than once, save "A severe mercy" by sheldon vanauken.
Also, i finished Through Painted Deserts and picked up the last of Donald Miller's 3 books "Searching for God knows What". I'll read that too, i figure authors all have something to say, and thus far its taken him 3 books to say that, so it would be wrong to leave out one of them if i'm really trying to understand where he is coming from.
___________________________________________________________________
Enough about books.
That being said, while there is not much I'm required to do, i feel like decreased productivity would be quite a waste of time.
So, among other things, i read. Previously I had said that the jury was still out on whether or not i liked "til we have faces" by C.S. Lewis. The jury came to a unanimous decision. I love it. And the beautiful thing is, I love it because I am letting it work on me. I can't read myself and what i want to think of it into it. I'm letting the art do its work. And its working.
For those unfamiliar with the book, C.S. Lewis retells the Greek myth of Cupid and Psyche. The focus is on Psyche's older sister. The whole book she is trying to figure out the truth concerning the Gods and the reasons behind the various pains she and her sister have felt. (that was a very, very, rough description of the book.) It culminates in this paragraph:
"The complaint was the answer. To have heard myself making it was to be answered. Lightly men talk of saying what they mean. Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, 'Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words.' A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be foreced at last to utter speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you'll not talk about joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"
I have two things to say about this. First, an embarrassing statement. This passage is near the end of the book, and at the point of which i speak, I had not yet highlighted a single thing--which meant that nothing was going to be written in my quote book. So, when i got to this passage, i was so very excited by what the Fox had said...i highlighted it. then, BOOM. "A glib saying." It hit me really quickly that i had been reading the book for glib sayings. Reading it to have a neat little paragraph to write down as the whole of how the book affected me. Perhaps the book was intentionally filled with mere story because any addition of these kinds of sayings would have drawn away from the purpose of the book. Sometimes packaged quotes just aren't enough. The point is that Orual (the main character, and narrator), works for her whole life to utter one simple, coherent complaint to the gods. We can't live our lives uttering these phrases, they are meaningless without the experience. They can't be really understood by merely hearing them. There is an indescribable understanding that must come through more than just the spoken word. The impact is in the implications.
Secondly, I'm still mulling over the idea of "till we have faces" as a phrase. I could think about it for hours. Especially considering the fact that Orual's face is veiled for a majority of the book. I'm reading it again. starting today. I love this; I've never felt a real need to read a piece of art more than once, save "A severe mercy" by sheldon vanauken.
Also, i finished Through Painted Deserts and picked up the last of Donald Miller's 3 books "Searching for God knows What". I'll read that too, i figure authors all have something to say, and thus far its taken him 3 books to say that, so it would be wrong to leave out one of them if i'm really trying to understand where he is coming from.
___________________________________________________________________
Enough about books.
Alex came to visit me and we had a marvelous time, as always. The girls on my wing loved her, and want her to come to Taylor. Don't i wish.
^^^representing each other's schools. love it.
^^^representing each other's schools. love it.Anyway, life is grand. I live in the Student Activities Center (ksac). My intramural volleyball team is undefeated. I'm going for a threepeat in intramural championships for this year. That would be prime.
Anyway, love to all. And dearest gracie, please get well soon. I love you and I'm praying for you!
1.04.2008
Crossin them off the list.
Through Painted Deserts by:Donald Miller.
Done. Boom.
I was feelin the poetry tonight..so Eliot was my companion.
if you aren't my mom, you don't need to read below this line.
_________________________________________
Dear Mom,
Please send me my box. We girls want to play "whats a dame to do"...thus....we need the box.
i love you,
your daughter.
Done. Boom.
I was feelin the poetry tonight..so Eliot was my companion.
if you aren't my mom, you don't need to read below this line.
_________________________________________
Dear Mom,
Please send me my box. We girls want to play "whats a dame to do"...thus....we need the box.
i love you,
your daughter.
1.02.2008
wow.
i just realized how fitting the previous post was as a first post of the new year.
i resolve not to kill time. Its crazy that it was 8 YEARS AGO that we had the whole Y2K scare. I feel like it was yesterday..perhaps because i have killed quite a bit of time in between then and now.
i resolve not to kill time. Its crazy that it was 8 YEARS AGO that we had the whole Y2K scare. I feel like it was yesterday..perhaps because i have killed quite a bit of time in between then and now.
Time Killers
Talked with someone today. The phrase "killing time" came up. Interesting metaphor.
Violent.
Results in death.
Rather sad implications.
I can't think of any situation in which killing is good...ok maybe "killing an addiction"..but no one really says that.
Why kill time? What did time do to you?
i just re-read this post and realized that it sounds like i would condone time killing if time were guilty of some kind of cruelty. However, i do not and will not promote the killing of time whether time provoked this hatred or not. Even if time has been quite unfortunately cruel to you, even if time is the instigator of the trials in your relationship, don't kill time. Its still a rather heartless thing to do. Live and let live.
Violent.
Results in death.
Rather sad implications.
I can't think of any situation in which killing is good...ok maybe "killing an addiction"..but no one really says that.
Why kill time? What did time do to you?
i just re-read this post and realized that it sounds like i would condone time killing if time were guilty of some kind of cruelty. However, i do not and will not promote the killing of time whether time provoked this hatred or not. Even if time has been quite unfortunately cruel to you, even if time is the instigator of the trials in your relationship, don't kill time. Its still a rather heartless thing to do. Live and let live.
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