Curly Hair. I have it.

I straightened my hair for Halloween. [my last minute costume was an impersonation of a girl on my wing who...yes...has straight hair]

I hadn't straightened my hair this year at school, or last year for that matter.  Before each time I do it, I get excited, thinking that I'll probably end up loving it [like i did freshman year of high school] and then decide to take an hour out of a couple mornings a week to do the straightening deed.

hate it.

This is not because I don't like how it looks, or because I love how my curly hair looks. Its because I'm constantly AWARE of how it looks.  

This seems silly, or trivial, but I think i finally put my finger on why I love everything to be natural (including my crazy curly hair). When my hair is straight, all I can think about is myself. I have this weird self awareness that makes me think about what my hair looks like, what other people think about how my hair looks, if they think I'm trying to hard, if they would prefer if i never had it curly again, if they would prefer if i had it straight.  Every conversation centers around my hair.  Everyone wants to tell me it looks great or that they like my hair either way.  And then i realize...
                      I DON'T CARE.

And yet, I'm always reminded of it.  All that this drastic change does is make me focus on me. But not really me, just an aspect of me. 

Yes, maybe this is ridiculous, I'm talking about hair.  But really, its something a LOT  bigger.  It really deals with a mindset:

When my hair is straight, i think about me.
When my hair is curly, i can be me, who thinks about a lot more than just me.

[not to say that i am not, essentially, myself when my hair is straight. However, if i wish to define myself as someone who can think of more than just how others perceive me, then i guess i really am not my essential self when my hair is straight]

ergo, i am, essentially, not myself when my hair is straight. 
end of story.

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